2001-06-30 - 11:36 a.m.
June ends already. I didn't realize the date until last night. For some reason, I thought there was another week squeezed into the month somewhere.
I spent yesterday on the phone, putting in requests to connect and disconnect phones, power, trash service, etc. The current owners of our new house haven't put in a disconnect order for their cable service yet, so that has to wait. At least it isn't anything urgent... except my internet connection.
We start packing in earnest today. There's still a bit of cleanup to do as well - a few things I've earmarked for Good Will or the trash.
But first, a bit of rambling that's been rattling around in my head since Thursday night...
A good friend of mine called on Thursday and, since I had just been up to Falmouth to visit my Granddaddy, we got on the subject of Alzheimer's. Both our grandfathers have been diagnosed. His is in an early stage and on a prescription to help slow the progress. Mine successfully hid the full effects of the disease for as much as eight years and, by the time we realized it wasn't just "old age," his diagnosis came too late to do much of anything but cope. Granddaddy has been in a nursing home for six months.
I'm not going to harp on him here. Rather, I'm going to complain about my relatives.
Granddaddy has five siblings. Only one ever calls Grandmommy to offer her a ride over to visit him. She's the only one who visits him. The other four "cannot bear to see him." Now I'll admit that nursing homes aren't my favorite places to drop by, either, and I don't enjoy seeing Granddaddy in "his condition." But he's there, he's ill and he's lonely. Personally, I'd add "frightened" and "depressed" to that list, too.
Imagine this for a moment - Your mind is slipping. You can't place names to people or objects. You can't communicate clearly anymore. The world has ceased to make any real sense. You're forgetting even the simplest things - like dressing yourself or going to the bathroom. And everyone you know avoids you.
I believed Alzheimer's patients were clueless but benign, doing crazy things like storing their socks in the freezer so burglars couldn't find them. Granddaddy, however, is frustrated and occasionally violent. He may be 80 years old, but he's 6'4" and kept himself in good shape until recently. My Grandmother, on the other hand, is 5' and shrinking. And she was the only one at home to care for him.
The church pastor never came by. Granddaddy's colleagues in the Gideons never came by. The church right next door, where my grandparents had been so active for so many years, forgot them. And none of them, to the best of my knowledge, come by the house to check on my Grandmother or the nursing home to see my Granddaddy.
So here's the point I've come around so long to make - No one enjoys seeing loved ones deteriorating, especially into dementia. It can be terrifying. And it's natural to say that we'd rather remember them as they were, rather than see them so debilitated. But they need to see you. And their caregivers need to see you, too. Believe me, you won't forget them as they were.
This rant was not intended toward anyone in particular and is only here on the chance that someone, somewhere facing a visit to a relative with Alzheimer's might read it.
